I went to Dan and Matt's today (yesterday) and it made me realize something...

John and I, my new friend at college hang out everyday. We try to save Fridays and/or the weekend to go over to Matt's and watch anime. Today was that day for us. We knew he had work till 9:30 so we spent the time after our classes were over watching TV and attending the weekly ANO (Anime in Northwest Ohio) meeting until we went back to my room and talk to Matt online. Apparently Dan was having a party that was already in full swing. Tracy was there (who I guess doesn't like John) Talea was there, Brooke, and a few others I didn't care enough about to learn names. We arrive and Matt, John and I conversed about Anime for a bit much to odd looks of Tracy. Everyone was in there own little groups. Tracy was by herself (but not for long) Dan was making out with Emily (not for long), Joe was messing with his computer (soon to be joined by Doug) Brooke was on the couch with two friends (not really doing anything)

Matt, John and I, as I said, talked about Anime until we couldn't talk about it anymore and then began the silliness. Cassie showed up, as well as MAGGIE who came and went yet always refused to leave by any will but her own. More people came and went and I got a total of three hugs by people who missed me. Three very brief hugs, that's all... As I was leaving I definitely could feel this space, this hole in my life that used to be full but now is vacant. I got the distinct feeling that I've grown apart with my old life, my high school life. Things just aren't the same anymore. It saddens me greatly that things I used to do that would captivate an entire room now can only hold the attention of one person for a total of thirty seconds. No one cares anymore, I've lost that senior charisma, that flair that made me popular with people. I've lost something, and it's lonely.

I'm lonely here, at college. I have made a total of one or two friends total that I would dare to call friends. I'm lonely and tired. I'm under so much pressure to succeed that I'm starting to lose who I once was, who I liked to be. It's not like I'm becoming something new and exciting, I'm just becoming this faceless no one that everyone looks down upon. When did I become this way? I was so happy before, the time of my life has passed and now I'm just living reminiscing about my good year(s). Here's how I relate it, you know the very last episode of any show? When that great climax comes to a close. Want to know why that's the LAST episode? Because after that is boring, nothing exciting ever happens that can possible live up to the show you watched. That's where I am right now, My show has ended and now I'm just a forgotten character from a show that ended a long time ago.

I've been forgotten, that's what it boils down to. I'm past news, in the past, uninteresting. I'm a has-been. What am I supposed to do?

Well... Academically things aren't going well... I have a paper I need to starting writing in English class and I don't even have a topic yet... It's a problem/solution essay...

Creatively things are going great! In theatre class were writing our own children play and I'm one of the playwrights. The only bad part is I have until Tuesday to write one scene and the intro and conclusion of the entire play. I'm sure I can do if I sit down and just start writing... It supposed to start out with a King and Queen and a Jester. They talk and it's the kings birthday and the jester's present is three scenes about live as a kid... My scene is about sibling rivarly... And if you know me, you'll know how EASY this will be since I have not only nine brothers and sisters but a twin as well. I don't know how it will turn out because I haven't thought about it that much yet, but hopefully I can finish it by Tuesday...

In other news, I'VE STARTED MY NEXT PLAY! It's the sequel to my first play, "Reckless Ballet or Instant Animosity". It doesn't have a title yet but everyone that survived the first play are included come back for repeat performances. The nurse plays a much bigger role in this one. Nick is now the Doctor in charge of patients and is having trouble living up to his dead predessor. Shortly after the beginning of the play a new patient arrives and Nick gets the feeling that... Certain events are going to occur once again and tries to stop these events from happening... I don't want to say anymore but it will include many more scripted (and funny) patient interactions with... SUB-PLOTS! This is a great addition since my first play had no sub-plots at all...

Well... Yesterday, (wednesday) was the holloween dance here at Commons and let me say that it went less than great. I spent weeks working on my costume, planning, assembling, and hot-glueing... I'll tell you what is was becuase I won't ever be wearing it again. I was an anime character, one that I made up myself. His name was Ryosuske, and he spoke only in japanese... (side story: while I was there I told that to someone and they said, "well I guess you fail" becuase I wasn't speaking Japanese at the time. THINK ABOUT IT! How can I explain that my character only speaks japanese... IF YOU CAN"T UNDERSTAND ME!?) Back to the outfit. I made sleeves and wore a black wife-beater with my leather vest. At the party there was a costume contest I didn't make it past the first round. These people have no concept of originality. They voted people dressed as COWS all the way tot he third round! I was appalled... As for the holloween dance, I don't want to give anything away as to what I'm wearing, but let me just say that and old favorite will be making a comeback...

Well... I'm REALLY sorry I haven't blogged in a while. Here's some small stuff that's happened...

CMC is going great... in the fact that it's going not at all! John went and talked to Nick about our project and explained that it was "abstract art". Believe it or not, Nick bought it and apologished for making us look bad. "We should have just said so" MOTHER _______! You jackass! You screwed us over becuase you didn't get it!? What the hell did you think we were doing when we were making these videos!? Did you think we were doing it just to piss you off!? I can't understand this guy!

Oh yeah, that project we're supposed to be doing... Well from the time it was assigned we had about four weeks to make this video about CMC, and that was two weeks ago. We haven't worked on it at all! We can't barely get ahold of the other member of our team! We're expected to just know what to do, but we don't! We need to get a digital video camera, WHERE THE ____ ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET A ______ VIDEO CAMERA!? OUT OUR ASSES!? And trust me, if we even do this video, you won't want to watch it. I promise you if this video gets made it's going to be the STUPIDEST, most BORING PEICE OF CRAP YOU HAVE EVER WATCHED!

I'm dumb-founded by the amount of work I'm expected to do here. I'm overwhelmed. I can't get it done on time, not with how much of a procrastinator I am, I'm doomed! I don't have the patience to do all this crap! I'm simoutaniously writing scenes for theatre class, doing a project in theatre class, writing insanely dead-lined essays in english, FAILING my science class, working in the scene shop (required for theatre class), writing really hard programs in Intro to Programming class, making that goddamn video for CMC, and on top of that these stupid ass core events for Chapman! Plus I'm in a play! Sure, I've added it up and I really do have enough time to do all these (i'm just procrastinating) but do I have the creative skill? There's no way I can keep all this in my head! I'm filled to the brim with assignments, there's too many to keep trake off! Please, I need advice! I'm up the creek... AND I"M ABOUT TO FALL OVER!!

I hope my halloween is better than this....