I went to Dan and Matt's today (yesterday) and it made me realize something...

John and I, my new friend at college hang out everyday. We try to save Fridays and/or the weekend to go over to Matt's and watch anime. Today was that day for us. We knew he had work till 9:30 so we spent the time after our classes were over watching TV and attending the weekly ANO (Anime in Northwest Ohio) meeting until we went back to my room and talk to Matt online. Apparently Dan was having a party that was already in full swing. Tracy was there (who I guess doesn't like John) Talea was there, Brooke, and a few others I didn't care enough about to learn names. We arrive and Matt, John and I conversed about Anime for a bit much to odd looks of Tracy. Everyone was in there own little groups. Tracy was by herself (but not for long) Dan was making out with Emily (not for long), Joe was messing with his computer (soon to be joined by Doug) Brooke was on the couch with two friends (not really doing anything)

Matt, John and I, as I said, talked about Anime until we couldn't talk about it anymore and then began the silliness. Cassie showed up, as well as MAGGIE who came and went yet always refused to leave by any will but her own. More people came and went and I got a total of three hugs by people who missed me. Three very brief hugs, that's all... As I was leaving I definitely could feel this space, this hole in my life that used to be full but now is vacant. I got the distinct feeling that I've grown apart with my old life, my high school life. Things just aren't the same anymore. It saddens me greatly that things I used to do that would captivate an entire room now can only hold the attention of one person for a total of thirty seconds. No one cares anymore, I've lost that senior charisma, that flair that made me popular with people. I've lost something, and it's lonely.

I'm lonely here, at college. I have made a total of one or two friends total that I would dare to call friends. I'm lonely and tired. I'm under so much pressure to succeed that I'm starting to lose who I once was, who I liked to be. It's not like I'm becoming something new and exciting, I'm just becoming this faceless no one that everyone looks down upon. When did I become this way? I was so happy before, the time of my life has passed and now I'm just living reminiscing about my good year(s). Here's how I relate it, you know the very last episode of any show? When that great climax comes to a close. Want to know why that's the LAST episode? Because after that is boring, nothing exciting ever happens that can possible live up to the show you watched. That's where I am right now, My show has ended and now I'm just a forgotten character from a show that ended a long time ago.

I've been forgotten, that's what it boils down to. I'm past news, in the past, uninteresting. I'm a has-been. What am I supposed to do?