So... It's been awhile. You guys still listening? I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. It's not that I've been done SOO much I haven't the energy to post, just the opposite! I've been more or less great for about a week now. Unfortuately I've annoyed quite a few people with my hyperness. I've been feeling great, and in there lies the problem. I'm TOO great. I have SOO much to worry about for me to be this good. I'm going to start college in 10 days! and i've prepared only as much as my mother has made me, I'm not ready to get a job, and I'm not ready to say goodbye to my friends! That's the worst part, saying good bye to Ian. He's been my best friend for most of my high school years. And in less than a month he'll be gone, probably for a long time. I don't want to lose him, and i now youre saying for me to keep in contact with him, but that' s not enough. Talking online has NEVER been as fun as being in the same place as him, luaghing it up and goofing off. (goddamn crickets bugging the hell out of me)

Sorry if I get off topic, but I'm going to. I can't remember when, but not to long ago I woke up and I could tell it wasn't going to be a good day. I woke up and I felt like shit. But I pulled myself together like always and headed over to the apartment. It belongs to my brother and his friend, dan, but I've always referred to it as Dan's apartment or just The Apartment. I get there and guess who's there. EXACTLY WHO I DON"T WANT TO BE. I walk in to see Maggie and Skyler on the couch. (or maybe I got there and THEN they came over) DOesn't matter, they were there and of course I wished to talk to neither of them. I stayed anyway and afterward EVERYONE at the apartment seemed to angry at me, Tracy, Dan, Matt was at work so he didn't. SO? So I left, I didn't want to be there. I went home to find my nephews visiting and I left for some dinner. I thought about stuff while I ate and found some peace in the great food. Afterward I drove to grounds to find some nicer people and by some miracle I did. I chatted with Doug, Carmen, and some other guy for a total of 15 seconds before they left and headed inside. I actually felt better after talking to some friendlier people. Wait, matt was there, he and Tracy were arguing. Anyway I went inside and found nobody there I knew or wished to talk to and I decided to think. I didn't feel like driving, so I walked. I did. All the way to the apartment. You might not know this, but that is a LONG way. I got there and guess who was STILL there. This time Maggie and Skyler were arguing and Matt was outside in the Ben's Table's parking lot. Tracy said she was angry with him as we talked outside on the curb. I told her if she came back out and I wasn't there she should go looking for me (I didn't say for her not to worry about me, it's just that it would be impossible to find me again and I may not come back) As I got up to walk away Matt came up and I told him to go talk to Tracy, I have no idea whether he took the advice or not, but I felt like should give him advice anyway.

I walked. I walked for a long time. I got all the way to route 6 and all the while thinking how easy it wold be to just keep walking. And after I got there I realized that it wouldn't be as easy as I'd hoped. I didn't have much money and I'm no good at surviving in the woods, afterall it was already dark. I had TOO much to lose by giving up, and it wouldn't have sloved anything. As far as I could figure I was upset about losing my friends to college. I got back to the apartment and forgot that I wanted to walk to figure out what was making me so upset in the first place and never figured out a thing. Tracy and Dan tried to help but with what? How can anyone help out if YOU don't even know what's wrong. I still don't know what was wrong but writing about it makes me want to take a very LONG walk...