Well, the past two days have been both the funniest and the hardest days of my life... Let me start at the beginning... Thursday... No, wait, farther...

My "girl friend" LOVES to hang out with me, and I mean a lot. SO she pretty much plans out parts of the week in advance for us to "hang out" Now, I, unlike her, have a horrible memory and sometimes I just forget things. Things like these days when we're supposed to hang out. Sometimes I schedule more than one thing for the same period of time...

No, you know what? I'm not gonna do it this way... I've put this off long enough. For those of you who never talk to me and only get your info from this blog, this is for you... I have/had a girlfriend. And I haven't mentioned her ONCE in this entire blog... Until now. The reason I haven't yet is because unknown to her, I haven't been entirely happy with our relationship. First thing you need to know is that I'm not a very social person, I enjoy my alone time by myself. I have my drawing/writing, animes, things that I can do by myself with no one hounding me with deadlines and such. Her... She has me... That's it! She has no hobbies of any kind. No TV, no computer, hardly any friends. Her ENTIRE life revolves around me... And after a year and a half I can't take it anymore! We never do anything but have sex and buy me things... Sure the things are nice, but money isn't everything... Oh yeah, if you ask her if we've had sex, she'll probably say something like "No, I'm a good girl, I'm still a virgin." Well here's the truth: YES, WE HAD SEX! AND WE ENJOYED IT! God! She a pathological liar. There are countless accounts were I've been with her and she's completely lied to one of her own friends! For example:

One day (the day after father's day) Maggie asked me to go with her to her dad's to give him a father's day card and have him write a check for her apartment rent (we won't go into that). Well we left town and for some reason I got rushed out the door and when we get to Grand Rapids she decides to reveal that her Dad won't be home for another half-hour. She didn't even tell me till we got there! So apparently she had it all planned out too... "We're gonna visit my aunt Pam and uncle tom." Well, that wasn't too bad, I actually like her aunt pat and uncle tom, they're pretty nice people. Well, we got there and her aunt had left so apparently Maggie had planned this out ahead of time and didn't bother to tell anyone... So after talking to her uncle (she talked... A lot) we left and drove by her dad's house... Just to see if he was home yet... He wasn't... So what does she do!? She drove me through a cemetery! A cemetery located near her dad's house! A cemetery where her MOTHER is buried! You know how awkward it is to go to your girlfriend's mother's grave!? VERY! I don't usually go to graves, and I don't really care too either... The only thing I could think to say was comment on how a gopher had dug a tunnel all around her grave... Very supporting of her, aren't I?

Anyway, after the grave yard thing she called up a friend she hadn't seen in like a year and decided to visit them! And this girl was (sorry Tracy) a stereo-typical RED-NECK. She lived in a trailer (sorry Tracy) with her parents, located near another trailer! There were like three cars in the yard, each one looking like they had broken down and were in the middle of being repaired. And they were rusted too. The friend was worse, she was like 6 months pregnant. She met the guy in Holland, and they lived on the street for like two months, moved in with her parents, moved to the streets again, she moved back, and hasn't heard from him since! Living on the streets! AND SHE'S PREGNANT! I can't even begin to explain what's wrong with that...

Well, after that her dad's house was a breeze. The straw that broke my back was yesterday. I had already spent TWO days in a row with her, and she had (pre)planned yesterday as well... Friday we went to the mall after we got back from Weston Days (which suck) and I felt like beating a game in the arcade. Which I did, if you're ever at the mall, check out the high score on Alien Invaders. Anyway, after I accomplished that I found Tracy who invited me to go to a movie with her (and her sisters!) Saturday, and being the forgetful guy I am, I told her I probably could. And to Maggie this was a bad thing. I got kinds of hell from her (crying, yelling, reverse-psychology, the works) about how "we already had plans" and "you're always breaking off plans with me for one of your friends" and "I don't want you to hang out with Tracy because it's not that I don't trust you it's just that I don't her and she shows off her boobs too much and if the tow of you are alone together she's gonna come to you" and "I could have made plans with MY friends but I told them I had to hang out with you and now it's to late to hang out with them and I'll just hang out by myself and go ahead with your friends..." And unlike every argument we've EVER had, this time I PUT MY FOOT DOWN and here's how I remember it going...

Rob: Listen Maggie, if you want to plan...
Maggie: (crying) but You always plans things with you're friends with out telling me...
Rob: (slamming his hands on the steering wheel) LET ME TALK! If you want to plan things with you want to plans things with your friends and we've previously planned things, YOU CAN GO WITH THEM! I have no problem finding things to do at the last moment...
(More arguing ensues, mostly one sided)

That was just the start, after that we decided that I would in fact go to the movies with Tracy (which I didn't even do) and hang out on Monday (which was like a life sentence to Maggie) and I took her home. The day I was feeling better and decided not to take any medicine (probably not the best idea) about 12 I get a phone from guess who? Maggie. "My nephew want to come by and say Hi" I told her I hadn't taken a shower yet and probably wouldn't until 2:00 and convinced her to not come over with her "nephew" Who I'm sure had no intention of saying Hi. So around 2:30, after receiving a few more calls in between 12:00 and then, she asked me to go to Burger King with her niece and granted we DID go do that and it was okay. After which we took her home to Grand Rapids and on the way back, she had the nerve to call her grandfather (who lives in Toledo) and told him we were coming up for a visit. NEVER ASKED ME! JUST CALLED! Oh and did I forget, on the way back she called her friend Amanda and called off plans with her claiming that her niece (the one we took home) was sick in the hospital! And she needed to tend to her sister! Now.. Why would she do that? Perhaps she thought WE had plans for the whole day?

Back to the Grandpa... After she got off the phone I plead my case about not going and wondering why she'd called him in the first place and convinced her that we were not going. How did I put it... Oh yeah, "I DON'T want to go to your Grandfathers." After we got back to my house I decided to get on the internet and do some stuff. I forgot what I was doing but during that time she left and got her friend Brittany. (And she said it was too late to make plans with HER friends) By that time I was feeling pretty bad and the thought in my mind was I REALLY don't want to be hugged or kissed right now. Which to Maggie must have looked like 'He must really need Hugs and Kisses!' Oh god it was bad... When she decided to leave she of course wanted get the customary hug and kiss which I knew would lead to a LOT more than ONE hug and ONE kiss and I just didn't feel like giving any of those. In my unmedicated state I wasn't about to just TELL her I didn't want any, I simply didn't let her kiss me. She thought it was a game and pulled me over the red chair and sat on me so I wouldn't escape. To keep her from kissing me I covered my mouth with my hands and when she wasn't kissing me I held her shoulders back with my hands to try and stop her from licking my neck or ears. It wasn't 100% effective but I did hold her off until I gave on the neck and ears and instead covered my face with my hands and didn't move... At all... I can only guess I wanted it to be a lesson for both of us, for me I tried to keep my hands on y face and make as little noise as possible and not move at all. The lesson for her was to figure out when I'm in the mood to talk and when I'm not. I got my lesson alright, Maggie on the other hand failed miserably. She kept trying desperately to get my hands off my face for fear of my suffocating myself (which is impossible) and thinking asking me if I was angry at her. I was angry at her, and what made me even more angry was the fact that she just didn't get it. I felt such rage building inside screaming at her go away and the only thing that kept me from letting loose these feelings was two things: the fact that I knew if I did yell at her, SHE STILL WOULDN'T GO. I didn't know it then, but I was completely correct (I'll get to that in a little bit) The second thing that kept me quite was the lesson. I was focusing all my energy on not showing my face that I didn't have the energy to yell. When she finally left the basement I still didn't move, and for good reason, it took less than five minutes for her to come back. This time she was crying, but her crying quickly went away, replace with frustration which lead me to believe that the crying was all an act which I now wonder if it most of (if not all) her crying was nothing but an act to guilt me into doing what she wanted me to do.

After she left for the third time, this time for a lot longer, I got up from the position on the floor I ended up on and put my hat back on. Soon enough I heard footsteps on the basement stairs and went back into my crouched position, this time with my hands crossed and staring down on single spot on the floor. I stared at that spot, half listening to the ramblings coming out her mouth. The words lost all effect on me, I had head her say the same words over and over to me on that floor. No matter how many times she said she was sorry or asked me if I was mad at her, all that went through my mind was to star at this one spot and it was too far to go back now. I was in a trance, I showed no emotion on my face, I had stopped taking in everything and the words turned into exactly that... Words... Words... Nothing more...

(a minute of quite reflection) *snap* after she left and about 15 minutes to a half hour had past I knew that she would call or come back and I needed to get out of there. I got up and told matt I wanted to go to the mall and play some more on the arcade games. We gather up a cell phone In case people called and headed out. When we got there we found none other than Tracy. I told her a basic overview of the day and then she left to take her sisters home saying she'd be back afterwards to hang out. Matt and I headed in and realized that the mall closes at 9 (it was 9:30) but luckily there was still a game we liked outside the skate park. There were some kids already playing it but we had $8 worth of quarters and decided to wait. (we to had to anyway... For Tracy) unfortunately my torment wasn't over. Can you guess who showed up? MAGGIE! This time I actually did talk to her, but only three sentences "Go away" "Go home" and "I don't know". When every I told her to go, she said she understood but didn't know if I meant for the night or forever. And I just though 'you say you understand, but YOU DON'T! YOU'RE STILL HERE SO YOU MUST NOT UNDERSTAND!' She asked if I was breaking up with her so much I was tempted to actually say yes to her, but I stopped and told myself I couldn't make that kind of decision in that mood, I'd only regret it later.

After my talking "go home" turned into yelling "GO HOME" she finally left and only came back once to have her friend Brittany (YES, SHE WAS STILL THERE) ask me if I was breaking up with her, to which I just ignored and continued playing my game. They eventually left and thankfully Tracy didn't come back when they there, that would just be a disaster. After that we drove around and I got the chance to yell at Greg Jenkins out of the car window! The rest of the night was fun, aided by my hyperactivity but everyone I talked to about that day actually told me to break up with her. And to tell the truth I was starting to think the same thing.

So I did... Yeah, this morning (afternoon) she called me and I told her I was breaking up with her. She cried... A Lot. She kept asking me all these questions like "Why do you want to waste a Year and a half?" "What did I do?" and saying things like "I'm sorry I bad-mouthed Tracy behind her back." "What can I do to be a better girlfriend?" But you know what? It wasn't any of those things. I just wanted out, I couldn't take all the responsibilities of a relationship, all the trying to make things work and still trying to have a social life while pleasing your girlfriend too. That was the most important thing, my social life. I didn't have one, I just wanted to hang out with my friends and not worry about having to call or be called by someone who didn't approve what I was doing, or at least of what she THOUGHT I was doing. I couldn't handle the nagging questions she had if I mentioned Tracy and me being in the same place together. And no matter what it always led into whether I preferred something else over her. It's a trick question, I'm sure of it! If I was the other thing is more important, she bitches, and if I say her she doesn't believe me. And If Maggie is reading this, I'm sorry I broke up with, but I'm not going to back down on what I said. I did that too much with we were going out. It's just being with you was always like a training exercise. I know you always said you loved me, and it doesn't matter whether you meant it or not. What matters is that my life, my ENTIRE life every girlfriend I had done nothing but taught me that when they say "I love you" I am to respond "I love you too" without thought or complaint, whether I actually meant it or not. And to tell the truth... I didn't... And to be fair to you, I've never felt that way... About anyone... Not even my own family. I think it stems from my moods, I change my moods too much for one feeling to stick out of all the rest. If I do feel love, it's too buried under all the thoughts and feelings in my mind to be brought to the surface. Again, I'm sorry but I've made my decision and I never go back on a decision this big. I'm sorry.