Well, I've got two hours before my one and only class today, so I've decided to blog... About what? We'll just have to see...

In my last blog I mentioned I didn't have time to discuss some things that bother about that dream, and other dreams I've had. First off, I dreamt that I was in bed, granted I was in bed at the time, but I've never had a dream (that I can remember) where I was actually in the place I fell asleep. Usually the places are completely made up in my mind, or are composites of place I know and made up ones. But this dream I was in MY dorm room. It was the EXACT room, right down to the TV in it's regular place. Now, if your saying "Big Deal, I dream about real places all the time." Then I have to tell you this story.

A while back, how far I can't remember, I had a nightmare. I believe it started out with me getting off a poorly graphical boat that look very Quake II. I distinctly remember seeing characters from the quake series there two. I enter a room and there's the final boss waiting for me. Well, let's just say I was scared (I did say it was a nightmare) and trying to run away I actually got out of bed, and ran to the door. Well, where I thought the door was. Instead I ran into my dresser which had my TV on it. I was still (technically) asleep and I really did believe that the door was in this direction, so... I pulled down the dresser to get to the door which was behind it. Now, if you analysis this story so far, you'd know how BAD this was. Remember? My TV was on top of the dresser I'm pulling down to get away. Well, needless to say I broke the TV. Thankfully for me it was still connected to the wall which kept it from falling on me or smashing on the floor.

Now I bet your saying, "How does this prove your point?" It doesn't... It's just on topic... If you can figure out how this proves my point that by all means tell me, because I'm moving on.

Okay, yes, it's true, I do have hallucinations sometimes. There mostly just sounds right before I go to bed or when I wake up in the middle of the night like hearing the TV on when I turned it off before I fell asleep. I don't know why I hear it, but a lot of times I get really annoyed when I'm trying to sleep and I can't get the TV to turn off (in my head). I used to have visual hallucinations too, a long time ago. I never had the vision twice and they often occurred anywhere from a week to a few months apart. And these weren't your "high on crack" hallucinations, no, they were scary as hell. At least to me they were. But you know, there is a moral to this story. One night, in high school, I had an hallucination of a robotic arm floating above my bed. I hid under the blanket but for some reason I didn't feel safe. So I took a chance, I reached up with my hand and touched it. To my surprise my hand went right through. It was never real (as I'm sure you know) and to this day I've never had another visual hallucination again.

Hmm.... Topic... Topic... Oh, I guess I can mention this dream I had a week ago. It was a really scary The X-files dream. I can't remember how it started but about half way through it had something to do with a train/subway and an abandoned maze of sewers underneath the city. I ventured below for unknown reasons... What I found should have been enough to wake me but for some reason it didn't. What I found was the smoking man, running some kind of experiments on people. It was like a mixture of that one episode where they were looking at that smart kids brain while he was awake and some of silence of the lambs. (Since I haven't seen all of the movie I think it's just what I thought was in the movie) Down in the darkest part of the sewer I found two girls, one young and one old. There were other people too, but I didn't talk to them. The two girls had no hair, in fact, they had no skin on the top of their heads. It was just bone and the smaller girl had no nose too. The smoking man came over and started experimenting on the older one. He sat her down on a chair and just... Opened her skull open like a cabinet. Inside she only had one half of her brain, the right side was intact, but there was on a very small piece where her left brain should have been. The smoking man reached in a pulled out the last piece of the the left side of her brain and she seemed to go immediately retarded and then died. All I can guess was that he was experimenting to see how much of the brain he could remove without the patient dying... It was horrifying but not as bad as the fact that I didn't wake up from it. I've woken myself up for less, but this was different. It was like I wanted to see it, I had a weird curiosity about what was going on... Now that I think about it, the most logical reason that I didn't run away or wake up was becuase I wasn't the one in danger. I wasn't the one being chased or falling, but I was there. I was there, and I didn't do anything... I knew what he was doing was wrong, but I just stood there. I guess in dreams sometimes all you can do is just stand and watch what happens.

So, I've looked deep into my dreams and pulled out some of the more frightening secrets of my past. I've shared them in hope that people can relate to me and help me realize that I am not the only one with these problems. Sometimes I just just feel so alone, like I'm forever cursed to be by myself in my own little world. My own little castle...