College is killing me, literally! I'm dying, very very slowly... Here's my reasoning:

I remember that every year in high school after my freshman year I would always get very stressed towards the end of the year. I would start losing sleep, I would go through these bizarre and often frightening ways of dealing with all this stress. What caused this stress? Well, the specifics varied from year to year but they all had to do with the amount of work load I had as the year drew to a close. Sophomore year was the research paper and The Emperor's New Clothes, Junior Year was kinda light with only A Winter's Tale so that wasn't bad. But Senior year was a hard one. If you've heard anything about my play and weren't in it, you don't know the half of it. I did so much for that play (as well as Ian's) and the recognizition I received was less than I expected. I wrote, directed, acted, did ALL the set construction, designed the lighting, the sound, the staging, and that was just for MY play. I also did a lot on Ian's play as well. It was definitely very stressful but I think I was able to get through it due to the fact that I've been used to doing things like that (just not all at once) since I started acting and directing. Also I dropped my physics and Algebra 3 I kinda just stopped paying attention in that class.

Well... Those are examples of when I've been under a great deal of stress... Here's why that's important: College is KILLING me! I'm as stressed or more stressed now than I have EVERY been in my entire life. Sure, I've been stressed before and survived, but look at the examples, they all took place at the end of the year. In those situations I only had to survive until the summer and when summer came I would be free and the stress would go away. But It's not even the second semester! I'm fucked! You know what clued me in that I'm slowly dying from stress? My pencils... Every class I'm in I get out my pencil and start writing. Before I can finish a line the lead breaks. I told one of my friends about this and his explanation was tension, which makes perfect sense! I'm so tense it's crazy! Let me ask you something: is it normal that, when ever you flex your elbow (of your writing arm) you hear a crack? Or that you can get consistent cracks out of you neck, hands, and jaw? College is killing me, it's slowly but surely destroying me mentally and physically. Not convinced? Well how about the time it's taking me to write this blog? You can't tell but I'm moving at a lightning pace, and I'm not a very good typist. I think all these stupid English papers are turning me into a typing machine, the deadlines are so crazy that I can't even finish the assignments at the pace I'm at right now!

Nutrition is also becoming a factor. I'm just not that good at taking care of myself, and I know it. I don't eat well, I never have, and ever since I've arrived here I could tell my nutrition has been poor. Well, see, I have ADHD (if you hadn't noticed) and if I didn't take medicine at the beginning of the day I would never be able to sit through the boring classes I have to take and I would never get any work done. But the down side to this medicine is that it is also an appetite suppressant, so not only does it make me NOT feel hungry, but when I DO eat, I can't eat as much as I could if I was un-medicated.

Don't think I'm over-reacting. I am not! Back in high school I may have said that it was hard but but I never said that High School was killing me. College is. College is killing me, and I wish there was a way to stop it. But the only way that I know is to take a long vacation, but unfortuately I won't have one of those for a LONG time...